Today was a good day, the best Mom's Day in years. Sunshine helped; finding flowers lurking in my car helped (thank you darling daughter), swimming helped, playing a game of Scrabble with Michael helped, a phone call from Richard helped, having written my Mother's Day rant helped.
I'd like to know what happens for you, my daughter, when I do my psychotic dance -- if you feel like sharing.
Sounds like your 2-day pilgrimage to Alki was a healing thing. I always learn so much from your examples of facing up to adversity. As you know I'm such an expert in running away.
Thanks for the info re Mother's Day. I'm all for peace!
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I do different things when you are psychotic. When I was young I tried to take it all on. Unfortunately no matter what I did, it never made you feel better and only made me more acutely aware of your pain. You do know you wear a shroud of pain a lot of the time. Perhaps you don't know. I'm particularly sensitive to it. However, as an adult I hold you accountable and responsible for your choice of feelings. Yes I use that word "choice" purposefully. I don't take it personally, I know there is nothing I can do that will change your feelings. I let you do your psychotic thing knowing you won't always be that way. Occasionally I try to rescue you, but not so much anymore. Sometimes I wonder how someone as smart as you can get all wound up and out of touch with reality. But then I think, you're human just like me. And for all my grown up talk, I sometimes feel I have no choice about my feelings as I did this weekend. You are an expert in running away. What's up with that anyway? If it helps at all, I run away too, I just do it differently than you do. Love me
ReplyDeleteRunning away or hiding out seems easier most of the time, but I am getting better at standing my ground and confronting. However I often feel worse when I do that and feel I do it badly. Maybe it's a practice-makes-perfect thing?
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